That’s what Roll on Friday say..
An insolvency lawyer has published an erotic novel so horny that RollOnFriday can’t quote from 99% of it. Instead we’re giving away one well-thumbed untouched copy to a mucky lucky reader.
The Dying Wish of Private James Thompson and Other Erotic Tales by restructuring specialist Kevin Mitchell makes 50 Shades of Gray look like a bible reading.
The book’s heroine, Scarlet Kiss, was inspired by Mitchell’s partner and bounces between steamy encounters across time and space in a sexual odyssey so consistently explicit that Amazon can’t even offer a preview.
“So”, invites the blurb, “turn off your phone, light some candles, hide yourself away with the sin of your choice, let your imagination run free and enjoy… it will be a long night”.
The title story introduces Kiss as a French beauty who stumbles upon a fatally wounded English soldier in the trenches of WW1.
When the soldier mistakes her for his wife and asks for a final hump before he dies, she takes pity on him and obliges.
Her husband, a French officer, stumbles upon the pair and is initially upset by the spectacle of a well-endowed, near-dead Tommy ploughing his missus, but he relents and even fetches some massage oil for them.
Admirably, Mitchell doesn’t hide behind a pseudonym and his author profile states that he is “a Director of his law firm in the City of London”, although ROF’s reviewer did do a double take at the book’s dedication to his daughters.
Fittingly, a couple of Scarlet’s carnal encounters take place in the legal world. In Her First Time, she can’t get enough of barristers.
But solicitors aren’t left frustrated. The Consequences of The End of the Affair finds the book’s heroine as a junior partner in Grace Solicitors LLP engaged in a torrid affair with the Senior Partner’s husband.
Things come to head when the Senior Partner discovers their tryst and sanctions the lusty lawyer, although it’s the kind of punishment which sees Scarlet getting bonked in the boardroom rather than docked equity points. Any excerpt would be covered in so many aubergines there’s no point ROF publishing one.
RollOnFriday has just one, yes one, copy to give away. So if you’re looking to see how quickly you can get hauled to HR for quoting it in the office, simply email news@rollonfriday.com with the subject ‘Summer reading’, and propose the title and opening line of your own law-based romantic novel (please note, it can be more Mills & Boon than Kevin Mitchell).
Mitchell’s not the only lawyer producing NSFW material, of course: Ayesha Vardag of Vardags posted her incest opus online chapter-by-chapter, while another found fans by moonlighting as a fetish star.
